I go through this phase about four times a year, when I try and figure out what I really want in life and think way too hard about how hard it may or may not be to achieve these goals.
I’ll go ahead and diagnose me now. I’ve got seasonal neurosis. I get obsessive compulsive about things that are far ahead in the future and try to work on achieving those things instead of working on the present tasks at hand. I’d like to think of it as a trait of all successful people; I mean come on, Woody Allen became famous for his neurotic humor and Leonardo DiCaprio has claimed that he’s neurotic and OCD in many Hollywood Access interviews (the most credible source, as we all know). Really, what the deal is that it’s just me tricking myself into thinking I’m being productive by thinking about everything that could be, while procrastinating things like studying, working out, responding to emails, etc.
It all starts with a few google searches: “writer jobs in los angeles, new york city, san francisco and san diego”. That then turn into a few more: “how much should I earn after college?”, “travel writer jobs”. Then it spirals so far-fetched: “can you get health benefits from blogging?”, that somewhere, mid-way through I get so overwhelmed that I look up recipes for ungodly amounts of time.
The problem with me is that I don’t really know what I want to do, but I’m open to a lot of things and also want a lot of things. This is not some novel revelation. I’ve had conversations about this with my mom and best friends countless times. So, why do I keep thinking about it? It’s because I kind of have high expectations of me. I picture myself not too far down the road in a badass classily cut dolce and gabbana dress, being the boss of my own company or at my book signing.
I guess I fear that if I don’t start figuring out now how I can get to the point, i’ll some how be wasting time. Obviously, I need to enjoy the present and not let the image of me in dolce hinder me, rather, motivate me to do really well at what I’m doing now. It doesn’t matter how far worrying helped Woody Allen’s career, it’s not going to get me anywhere.
lots of love,