To quote a previous post, “holy shit you guys, it’s May already”. This sentiment has remained relevant, as April has once again eluded me.
Last April I spent a week in Spain, to visit a good friend. We frolicked around in Valencia and Madrid, drinking wine, eating cheese and exploring the city. This year, Spain was a little too far for a spring break destination, so instead, I chose to visit a closer Spanish-speaking paradise: Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. That was early April; when life was a whimsical mix of day drinking and locating the closest Oxxo to exchange money for tacos.
The latter half of the month was dominated primarily with an overwhelming number of emotional breakdowns and fits of anxiety. The standard stress that occurs to us pre-grads with no concrete plans except for moving back in with the fam. This alone has not been the sole contributor to my anxiety. I’ve also been very emotionally conflicted in just about every aspect of life. Ok, that sounds super dramatic…let me explain a bit.
I feel like I’ve suffered through an exhausting amount of misleading affirmations and sentiments that have taken me from fun, positive, day-drinking in Mexico Shelby, to frustrated, tense, falling asleep listening to Amy Winehouse every night Shelby. Example 1: going on interviews and the Interviewer telling you, “you’re a really good fit for this position”, getting excited about the possibility of a new opportunity, then promptly never hearing from them again. Example 2: Believing that a situation can change and not accepting the inevitability of the way things will be or even being confident to accept and embrace how things are already different. (yeah, it’s cryptic, but hopefully relatable to those of y’all that know what i’m talking about).
So, that was April – a confusing mix of emotions and series of events that led me to feel like I was like displayed above^ locked inside a glass case of emotion. But now, it’s May and I’ve got a lot of things to look forward to: graduation, my SE Asia trip, not paying rent anymore (because i’m moving back in with the rents)/getting my deposit back (then promptly use it to pay off trip expenses and make my credit card statement less depressing).
So, i’m starting to let go of that destructive emotional cycle of anxiety. Yes, it is difficult, because I am often still very overwhelmed by my circumstances. But, just like Jordin Sparks said:
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There’s no need to rush
It’s like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It’s gonna happen when it’s
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time
#tb to 2007, amirite? What a time for music…
Anyway, I think she’s right, there’s no rush for life. It’s gonna happen when it’s supposed to happen. I guess I just want to make sure that i’m setting all the pieces in place, so that whenever whatever that’s supposed to happen, happens, i’m ready.
In case you missed 2007 a lil bit…here ya go: