Confessions à la Usher

“Hello,
Yo I’m in the booth, I’ma call you right back,
No I just gotta put this one part down, I’ma call you back,
I’m at the studio man…”

These are my confessions. Yes, they are inspired by Usher’s classic hit Confessions pt.2. No, they are nowhere near as juicy; as I have no side boo/chick, nor was I chillin’ at the beverly center in my new ride. *If this reference is lost on you, please take a minute to watch/listen to the video below*

I chose to compare my life to that of a R&B superstar, not because it makes sense, but because I love the drama of it all. Also, I am of the personal belief that many life lessons can be taken away from R&B songs ex) 1. TLC’s No Scrubs, 2. Aaliyah’s Try Again, 3. Mariah Carey’s Shake It Off.

So, here are my confessions:

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It’s 1:50 a.m. and I am wide-awake, drinking tea and obsessing about everything that I am not doing right/could be doing better in my life.

Why am I up in the middle of the night? Well, other than the obvious – being unable to turn off my brain, I also fell asleep too early because I feel exhausted after work. This means that instead of doing the things I need to do: come up with a game plan for my lessons, write/respond to emails for my other writing job, exercise, study for an exam I have in two weeks, or practice my Italian and Spanish, I end up watching hours of TV and snacking because it makes me feel good temporarily.

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The problem with me (and probably lots of other people who resort to this stalling tactic) is that while I’m watching TV, I know I should be doing my other things. So I build up stress in my body, which I soothe by making to-do lists and snacking. But, then I feel bad about snacking and not exercising, and not doing everything on the to-do lists, which creates even more stress. It’s a vicious cycle.

I know what I am experiencing is the result of me not sticking to a routine of self-care and good habits. I’ve let the accountability of my actions fall to circumstance when really, there are many circumstances that I can control. There are so many things I want to accomplish in life, and sometimes I get so overwhelmed with how I’m going to do all these things that I just shut down and do nothing. I am a big believer that doing nothing is totally ok for at least an hour, sometimes two hours in a day. However, if my doing nothing is causing more stress, then maybe it’s a good idea to re-evaluate the type of nothing that I am doing and monitor how it makes me feel.

I think that’s what successful people do…*currently googling it, will report back once I figure it out*

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