5 Signs that I’m Slightly Pretentious for My Age.

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I’m quite self-reflective — meaning that I’m my harshest critic. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes people who they are? What shapes and molds a person into a superficial twit or a budding intellectual? In my case, I think it’s my goddamned high standards that have made me slightly pretentious. When I say pretentious, I don’t mean like I look down on people and think I’m better than other people, because that’s definitely not true. I mean, my standards are maybe unnecessarily or undeservedly high.

1. I frequently reference my year abroad or previous trip to Italy.

I get it, I’m annoying. I talk about going to Italy for study abroad all of the time and how much better Europeans are than Americans #Eurocentrism, Am I right? I talk about all the good food I’ve had and how the food I’m eating compares to it. SUPER ANNOYING, I know. I’d like to say I’m sorry for this behavior, but I’m really not. I’ve been unusually blessed with wonderful food in my life — my mom is a rock star in the kitchen, my family shops at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, and yes, I did have awesome food in Italy. So, sorry not sorry, I’m pretentious about food.

2. My best friends and I hate people.

Not in a malicious psycho way, just in a low-tolerance-for-stupidity way. We frequently discuss how we’d rather be alone than in a room full of stupid people, which sounds absolutely terrible. But, to be honest, I don’t feel sorry about this one either. Socializing is enjoyable in small doses, but it’s an effort for me. I’m sort of introverted and too much social stimulation makes me want to tear my hair out.

3. I frequently reference esoteric films.

I’m a comedy/movie nerd, so I frequently reference movies or comedy sketches that no one has seen. This is super hipstery and pretentious, I apologize for this one. Because, I do secretly judge people for not knowing about these things, which is awful. Although, I will say I value culture immensely, and truly believe that film is a great way to become cultured. So, maybe watch a few indie films? Or not…whatever.

4. I feel like I’m above frat parties.

I’d way rather stay in and watch 500 Days of Summer with a nice assortment of Irish and Spanish cheeses paired with a smooth Zinfandel than hang around people who ask me if I’m Greek. SORRY, NOT SORRY.

5. I rarely fall for guys my own age.

Much like the TLC song “No Scrubs” says,

A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin’ about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass

So, No I don’t want no scrubs, which gives me a bad track record of being enamored by men that are at least 10 years older than me, because let’s face it, they are way more put together. I’m far more attracted to a mature, suit-wearing man who is sure of himself, than an immature boy who is looking for a mommy-figure…ain’t nobody got that for that. This makes my standards unnecessarily high and causes me to overlook many eligible bachelors my own age. But, I’m not trying to get fixed up or be in a relationship, so whatever…

Wow, this idea sounded way better in my head, than it does on a blog post. Oh well, I already wrote it. Sorry y’all…thanks for reading my pretentious blog post.