Just checking in to let you all know that I still care about this blog/website (i caved and spent $18 to own the vinoandvisas.com url). Truth is I’ve kind of been too preoccupied mentally to take time and write about my life. This may seem sort of counter intuitive for a writer, because it seems like all successful writers journal their hardships and then turn them into great pieces of work. But I guess that’s kind of my problem. I don’t really consider myself to be a real writer. This insecurity kind of doubles as a defense mechanism, because if I don’t take myself too seriously then I can easily brush off criticism or even compensate for skills that I am lacking.
This strategy has worked really well for me. I’ve always just written for fun and shared my work, because the feedback I was getting was overwhelmingly positive and TBH it made me feel kinda good about myself. Now, what I’ve discovered is that as someone going on interviews and trying to enter a specific track in the work-world, you kind of have to take yourself seriously.
Since the likelihood of getting my dream job of writing for Food and Travel magazine like Bon Appétit right out of college is not very high, I’ve been trying to fit myself into different, more practical molds. This has translated into countless keyword job searches in San Diego and Los Angeles, such as: digital marketing jobs, social media manager jobs, copywriter jobs and editorial assistant jobs. So far, what i’ve found is that there are a lot of these jobs, which is great, BUT there’s always a catch. I’m either under qualified because I’m not a Journalism major (even though I’ve been writing for a newspaper for 3 years) or I don’t have enough technical skills such as graphic design or previous marketing experience.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m just frustrated. I feel happy and sad, confident but anxious, jaded yet hopeful. Maybe these conflicting emotions are a side-effect of Senioritis. Or maybe, just maybe, all these emotions that I feel ALL THE TIME are a result of me growing up into the kinda sorta adult that I can feel myself becoming. I’m experiencing the joys of adulthood, i.e. going out to drag shows and dancing the night away. Then also, the not-so-fun parts of adulthood, i.e. realizing that you have no money and can’t really afford your new-found legality, because you are indeed still a full-time student and only make $12 an hour at your part-time job.
I don’t know, man. This kinda sorta adulting is getting a little old. I’m feeling like I’m ready to escape this limbo of uncertainty and mature from a kinda sorta adult into a full-time adult. I know adulthood is definitely not as great as it’s cracked up to be…but, I think I’m ready for the responsibilities.
I’m at the point in my life where I want, need and feel like I deserve both that $6 bottle of Primitivo AND the Dark Chocolate Almond Bark at Trader Joe’s. Frankly, if I can’t afford that, I don’t really see the point of it all.
*yes, i’m aware that i’m being dramatic.